Interrupting the status quo

By Kerryn Vaughan

31st January 2020

“You need to calm down”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told this in my life and to be honest, it’s starting to wear thin. We seem to have an aversion to people who hold a mirror to our face or who ask us to challenge our beliefs and behaviours. We are way too happy living the easy life and allowing ourselves to be railroaded by the expectations of others, and by the beliefs that have been imposed upon us over the years. Why would we do that?

Well, for many reasons actually, but most revolve around ease and fear. Let’s look at fear.

Fear of criticism, looking foolish, being excluded, being rejected, being labelled a lunatic - among a plethora of others. In fact, if we look back through the history books, fearing these things back then, and in particular being labelled a lunatic etc, may have been completely justified. In the past you may have been burned at the stake or sent to the hangman if you spoke up or even slightly stepped away from the norm.

Sadly this narrow minded punishment still exists in some parts of the world, and in particular, I’m referring to those who still think it’s ok to silence the opinion of women or stone them to death even when they are not the cause of the problem! The real problem is that the ‘norm’ is not always right. Just because we’ve always ‘done it like that’ doesn’t make it OK. Sometimes things need to be challenged.

For the good part, our freedoms and rights have evolved sufficiently to allow us a voice and to stand up for what we believe in. Despite this, we still default to outdated beliefs and behaviours that just don’t bear credit in this current day and age.

Sometimes the status quo is nothing but a stagnant dirty pond festering in rot. Too often, a situation where nobody wants to step up and upset it because other people just don't like that. They don’t like it because you're making waves in their dirty pond and nobody wants to drink filthy water. But sometimes we need to rock the boat. Sometimes the status quo is completely unacceptable and people and animals are being treated in such a way, that turning a blind eye just doesn’t do. And often this extends to the environment and the way we are trashing our planet..

Back to my opening line - “you need to calm down”.

I am well known amongst my peers for standing up for what I believe in; and not quietly and not politely. I find any act that harms or demoralises any living being, and particularly vulnerable ones, an abhorrent violation of rights and I consider the perpetrator the scum of the earth. I have every reason to believe that most reading this will agree with everything I have said up to this point.

However the conflict comes when I push this a little further and point out that apathy enables the perpetrator. This makes people uncomfortable as their own guilt rises, but also as they are swamped with a feeling of helplessness. I am making people feel very uncomfortable, so their best defence is to push back. So the seemingly obvious thing to do is to shoot the messenger.

Strangely I’m fine with this because all the bullet holes I’ve sustained have allowed all the old beliefs to ooze out of my being, effectively ridding myself of toxic pus. For the record - I am calm, I am proud, I am happy and I sleep very well at night.

The truth is that most people are good, and most people want to do good. BUT, we’re so deeply entrenched in beliefs that have become so ingrained that we’re not able to even see the hold they have on us. Most of these beliefs we have inherited.

For years I voted for a political party simply because my parents did. I believed what I was hearing around the dinner table and never thought to question it. It was only as I became much better at thinking for myself, and not being led by the beliefs of others, that I realised my values differed dramatically to the views of that party.

A great story that comes to mind is the one about Nana’s lamb roast. I can’t recall it word for word, but it goes something like this:

Mum was making a lamb roast and before she put it into the oven tray, she cut the end off the bone then put the rest into the tray. The daughter asked her mother why she cut the end of the bone off and the mother replied “I don’t know, because that’s what Nana always does”. They decided to ask Nana why she does this. Nana’s response was that her mother always did this. So they went to the Great Grandmother and asked her why she cut the end of the bone off. Her simple reply was “because it won’t fit in the tray”. With that they all realised that their trays were not as small as the one the Great Grandmother had been using, and it highlighted that they were just mindlessly performing an inherited behaviour without ever questioning why.

“Children must be taught HOW to think, and not WHAT to think”
~ Margaret Mead

For many generations we have been taught what to think. This is perpetuated through our education system as well as much of what we unconsciously absorb from the media. If we become better at digging deep about HOW we think, we will be in a much better place. But to do this we must be prepared to let go of beliefs that are not serving us, and this is not as easy at it seems.

The point I really want to get across here is that we need to stand up for what we believe is right, even if we fear we might be left standing alone. In our heart of hearts we know what is right and we feel the discomfort when things are wrong. It’s not rocket science.

For many years I have loudly (and proudly) stated that I am not here to make friends - I am here to make a difference. We were each given a voice and we should use it to make the world a better place. We were also each given a unique set of talents and characteristics, and we should embrace and employ these, become best friends with them, and believe that we are capable of doing great things.

Your truth matters

We all have dreams and desires, and an imagination that occasionally allows us to peek through the blinds at the life we could be living. But way too often we are paralysed by outdated beliefs, self doubt and the fear of becoming an outcast or ridiculed, simply because we want to be true to ourselves.

I am here to tell you that there is a life beyond that. It is definitely possibility to live a life that is true to you, even if others don’t like it. There is always the opportunity to stand up and make your life count.

Some people will challenge you, but that’s reflective of their insecurities and fears and not about you. You will be surprised how many people rally to support what you are doing and what you are standing for. Often they are people who are ready to stand in their own truth but are still lacking courage, or the person to push them over the edge so they can find their own wings and spread the messages of their own truth. They are encouraged by you. They see their possibilities through your actions.

You can eagerly await the opportunity to tear down a person who is stepping up, or you can be an encourager - and I can tell you first hand that it feels way better to be an encourager. And when you encourage and enable others, your wings start to appear, and before you know it you have also enabled yourself and given yourself permission to be the absolute best version of you.

So what are you going to choose? I hope you join me in flight, because the view is so much better from up here.

Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, and co-founder of Girls With Hammers.