Try this simple process to alleviate self-doubt
By Kerryn Vaughan
25th January 2021
When I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a rockstar. The thought of being on a massive stage performing to thousands gave me the biggest buzz.
But in my mid-teenage years, that buzz turned to blood freezing horror. I lived in a small country town where everybody knew everybody, and if someone decided to tell a story about you, the whole town heard it. That didn’t leave much room for doing something embarrassing that you wouldn’t want to be reminded about for years to come.
I was 15, I was the guitarist (not a great one) for a band that had only formed a few weeks before and we’d rehearsed maybe 4 times. We had a female singer, who decided to quit the night before our very first gig. Let me be clear here - we were not good!
Upon receiving the news that she would not be singing the next night, the boys turned to me and said “You’ll have to sing, you’re a girl”. Wait! What? Me? I can’t sing! Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can sing. I was terrified!
The next night my Dad loaded all of us and our gear into his station wagon and drove us to the local pub. We played. I sang. It was awful! We even had people throw money at us, and while I’d love to think it was out of appreciation, I really think it was their way of begging us to stop.
This experience bore absolutely no resemblance to the ‘on-stage’ fantasy I’d held so preciously, but regardless, self-doubt and all, I did it! I moved though the fear. It wasn’t great, but I came out the other end having achieved the thing I doubted I could pull off.
We often feel like we’re the only ones suffering these frightening thoughts and feelings, and we so easily convince ourselves that everybody around us absolutely has their shit together.
The truth is, very few people actually DO have their shit together. Self-doubt plagues all of us and we become masters of excuses and inaction, to our own detriment, and very often to the detriment of others. They miss out on the magic you can bring!
I went on to entertain thousands over the years, and I did reach a point where I strutted the big stage and commanded the vibe and excitement of the crowds.
But had I not pushed through all those years ago, those same people would never have had the pleasure of those moments of being completely free and ‘in the zone’.
The process…
Think about the things you’ve achieved in the past.
Getting your drivers licence
Giving a presentation
Paying that first bill online
Figuring out how to use a smart phone
Submitting your first assignment
Learning a computer program
This list could be a mile long.
There are 3 stages we need to move through when achieving a task.
Before, during, and after.
It’s very likely the thing you are having self-doubt feelings or beliefs about is something you consider to be big and not just something as simple as hanging out the washing.
If you do have something big on your mind, try this process and hopefully it will bring an entirely new perspective about self-doubt and whether it sits within the realm of genuine reality or perceived reality.
For the sake of this exercise, think of one thing you’ve achieved in the past and really get into the zone.
How did you feel in the lead up to doing this thing?
How did you feel while doing this thing?
How did you feel after this thing? Once it was achieved?
It may have looked something like this…
Before: self-doubt / fear - OMG I have no idea how, or if I can do this.
During: Oh, this isn’t too bad - I’m getting there.
After: Wow, I did it! I feel incredible!
Most big things start with self-doubt, but by reminding yourself of this process whenever confronted with these crippling feelings, there’s every chance you’ll breeze through it.
So, what’s the next big thing you’re now ready to achieve?
Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, co-founder of Girls With Hammers, and host of Get Off The Bench Podcast.
Kerryn is also a DISC ADVANCED® accredited consultant.