Are you coming clean?
By Kerryn Vaughan
16th August 2019
Well are you?
It may be a hard pill to swallow, but you simply can’t free yourself until you do…
Over the years my work has taken me on many journeys - some good, some not so good. A great deal of it has seen me teaching or training in some form or another, creating the opportunity for me to have a trapped audience, and some would say that meant I was in my element!
My days as a tertiary teacher had me locked in room with a whole bunch of mostly mature women who had succumbed to the ‘settling’ that seems to plague a lot of women. Settling for far less than they deserved. Of course I wasn’t literally ‘locked’ in with them, but for some, that’s how it would have felt at first.
At the beginning of the year, each new student would hesitantly creep through the door for the first time, slowly scanning every corner of the room for the chair that would securely snuggle her for the entire year. Each one doubting that anybody else in the room would understand that her even thinking about starting a course, was taking a massive step out of her comfort zone.
As she headed to the chair that seemed to be beckoning her, she wondered how she would manage to get through an entire year sitting amongst all these confident people, and thinking “I am so far out of my league here”. Then the lies would sneak in and infiltrate her mind until she could barely even breathe. She had successfully convinced herself that she was the only one in the room experiencing these thoughts:
“I shouldn’t be here”
“Who am I to think I can start a new career - nobody will employ me anyway”
“Everybody will find out I wasn’t that smart at school”
“I won’t be able to pass any tests so I shouldn’t have even enrolled”
“It’s only a matter of time before Kerryn finds out how dumb I am”
“Maybe I should leave now, before it even starts”
And the list goes on and on and on…
How do I know they had these thoughts? Because eventually every one of them comes clean. And over time they all share with each other, that they too had the same thoughts. Imagine the pain of keeping all that fear and anxiety tightly and securely wrapped up inside you, thinking everybody else in the room was more intelligent and more competent than you.
Sadly this happens everywhere in life and not just in my classroom. But the moment we come clean, we open the door for all that rubbish to start waking out, and making way for powerful, positive, and refreshing change to barge its way through that open door.
For me it was always important to show these women how amazing they were. That just because they had not been to school in 20 - 30 years, that did not make them ‘dumb’. Even if it was true that they didn’t do well in school, that’s completely irrelevant once you step out into the big wide world of adulthood.
These women had lived life! Most had raised a family, some had put up with husbands they didn’t even like, some had travelled, some had been in the same job their whole lives and some had done whatever work they could get just to help pay the bills.
Mostly, these women were the ones who always put themselves last - the husband’s job was more important, the kids sport was more important, the trips in ‘mums taxi’ were more important. Even dinner was more important! They were the women who held every family secret tight and who could fit 3 days into 1, both just to keep the peace and ensure the happiness of others preceded their own.
But the truth is, these amazing women had so much to offer and so many life experience skills outside of their robotic daily obligations, and it was time they saw that.
I was so blessed to have been in that wonderful position, having an entire year to massage some of the damaging beliefs out of these incredible beings, and to inspire moments of self-love, self-worth, self-respect, self-belief, confidence, hope and courage. Feelings and thoughts they deserved to be filled with.
Ironically, what they didn’t realise, was that they inspired my life long journey to support people to shine their light. I have seen so many great ideas emerge from inspired minds, and observed as new-born women make their way to the next chapter of their life with new found confidence, and belief that what they have to contribute is truly valuable.
People just need some time out, some inspired moments, and some honest conversation away from the daily grind, so they have an opportunity to figure out what really makes their heart sing. Imagine a whole world full of chirping birds! Imagine how bright the world would be if everybody’s brilliant light was turned on.
Whatever that thing is you want to do, please believe you ‘can’. Please listen to your heart and believe that you matter. Believe you have an amazing gift within you and that your gift is worth sharing. Know that you yourself, are a gift. You are unique, beautiful and way more powerful than you can even imagine. Stand in your truth and add your amazing light to the tapestry of life.
Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, and co-founder of Girls With Hammers.