Kindness begins with you

By Kerryn Vaughan

2nd March 2023

Today is National Be Kind Day, and while I’ve been ‘head down, bum up’ most of the day, I have had constant fleeting thoughts of a few things that have transpired lately.

I’m a big proponent of kindness and give it freely and regularly, but I always get a bit tangled when I’m not perfect. Of course I know that none of us are perfect, but it always challenges me when I act in a contrary manner to what I espouse.

When we think of kindness we generally think of doing something nice for another, and the more random the better. But there’s one type of kindness that often gets pushed to the back - self kindness.

It’s as though we view self kindness as a selfish thing, and that we are only deserving of it after we have done enough good deeds to warrant it. Like filling up a bucket of good deeds, and once it’s full, we’re allowed to take some for ourselves.

When you really reflect on this perspective, it’s actually back to front. If we are kind to ourselves first then we will have more to give out.

So my challenge this week was aggressively ranting about somebody who has a long list of very selfish and sneaky behaviours that undermine and harm others. Behaviours that are solely focused on personal gain, at the detriment of the bigger picture and the greater good.

But more than throwing the venom at him personally, I was hissing at the defence of those he is hurting. Regardless, I felt like less of a person for doing this.

We have been told over and over, and Thumper lovingly reinforced it in the movie ‘Bambi’, “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all”. But we are rarely told over and over to stand up for what is right and to speak our truth. I think the first narrative causes more harm than good, and causes apathy and suppression of good voices. I can’t abide by that.

So, is calling out despicable behaviour unkind, because you’re saying ‘not so nice’ things about that person? Or is it kindness, because you’re defending those who deserve to be defended?

I say the latter, but I may well be wrong. I’ll live with that. I’ve reached a point today where I’ve decided that beating myself up for speaking out is not kindness to me.

I will spend the rest of today, and hopefully longer, indulging in self kindness, because my intentions and care for the bigger picture are more important than whether or not I offended a small number of people unwilling to be honest about poor behaviour.

Have you been beating yourself up lately over something similar?

Is today the day you can declare that being kind to yourself comes first in order to be kind to the rest of the world?

On National Be Kind Day, please fill your cup first.

Kerryn xx

Kerryn Vaughan is the author of ‘Magnificent Kids!’ and ‘Get Off The Bench!’, founder of One Planet Classrooms, co-founder of Girls With Hammers, and host of Get Off The Bench Podcast.

Kerryn is also an accredited DISC ADVANCED® consultant, and a Certified WORKING GENIUS facilitator.